Give them roots and wings

I remember hearing some time back, that the father is the head of the family, and the mother is the heart.

Most women know, of the power they hold over the family.  We have the ability to hold the entire family ransom with emotional blackmail – to withhold warmth and affection, care and attention so much so that the entire home atmosphere turns cold and hard.

In our family, nearly all the activities are planned, executed, and documented by me.
The father is happiest snacking and simply enjoying with the children.
I bet this is the same in your family.

We celebrated hubby’s birthday with a simple “ice-cream cake”.
For my birthday, husband will be stressed. Unlike him, I am much harder to please.
I am sure most husbands have similar experiences.

While men and boys practice physical bullying, women and girls practice relational bullying and that carries into the home as well.  In the past, the man would threaten the wife with a cut in her monthly allowance, and the woman would threaten the husband with her children’s disdain or hatred towards their father.

Today, most women are no longer held ransom by the man as we are financially independent. However, we still hold sway over the heart of the home and children because men are still as clueless.

He is a good father.
But he does not always know what is needed, and the best way to do it.
I can either help him be a better father,
or sabotage him so he cannot do it well.

I know this well, because I have the sometimes cruel heart of a woman.  Many years ago, I decided that I will never withhold love and affection from my husband, nor destroy his image in the eyes of his sons, because I have three sons.  Whatever I do not want their wives to do to them in future, I did not want to do to my husband.

He bought me this pretty thing, which he thought I would like.
Oh well.
Maybe it is a hint, that I should be more feminine, or more organised?
But I don’t think so, because he is a man.
He probably thought :
“Pink = Woman. Wife : Messy. So this will help her. Perfect Gift. QED. I must be a genius”
Anyway, I appreciate his thought, and I love him because he is not complicated like me.

But sometimes the offense is too sudden and sharp and the woman will not forgive.

We have been together for so long.
He has always supported me, and loved my family.
(This photo was taken on our 6th trip to Indonesia)

Thankfully, my life is not in my own hands, and I have a God who watches over me.

So after 15 years of marriage, I renewed my commitment to him, with this prayer :-

Make me a new person, Lord.  Give me a fresh perspective, a positive outlook, and a renewed relationship with the man You’ve given me.  Help me see him with new eyes, new appreciation, new love, new compassion, and new acceptance.  Give my husband a new wife, and let it be me.

(The Power of a Praying Wife, Stormie Omartian)

He is also the son of a woman.
My precious sons need him to lead them, and to walk with them.
He needs his wife, to accept him, and to love him unconditionally.

I am a woman.  I can do things he can never do (and I am not talking about breastfeeding!)

I will use the bountiful talents given to me as a woman, to complete my man.  I will do it not because I love him, but after all these years of learning what it means to be a woman, I have found that I love my life most, when I am a good wife and mother.

My children complete me, simply by allowing me to be a mother.  My husband completes me, simply by allowing me to be a wife.

Happy 15th anniversary, dear.