Give them roots and wings

Saturday mornings have now become one of my most relaxing and enjoyable times with the boys.  It did not start off that way.  It used to be the times when Edmund and I would go grocery shopping while the boys have their swimming lessons and play among themselves.

After a few weeks of dropping the children off at the pool, they asked us to swim with them.  “Please mum, swim with us, we want you to swim with us”.

This was taken when we were on a holiday in Malaysia.
The kids love to play with us.
We are rather fun to play with,
because we do lots of false bravado attacks,
and squealing, pretending to be terrified.

My very smart teenager now studies Literature, and he studies song lyrics.  One of the songs he brought back was “Cat’s in the cradle” (Youtube).  Some parts of lyrics are below:-

I loved the song.  I remembered it from long ago, before I had children.  From the moment I heard it, I understood it, and decided that I would never do that to my children.

For the early years, we spent lots and lots of time playing with the children. It was easy because we really enjoyed them.  But after all these years of grinding by the primary school, I found that much of the joy of parenting has gone away.  We had forgotten how much it meant to the children, for us to play with them.

Looking at my 11 and 12 year old, I rejoiced that they still want to swim with us.  I am not sure how long that will last.  Besides, Samuel is just turning 7 years old.  For a 7 year old, his favourite playmates are still his parents.  How can we deprive him of his parents at such a young age?

I love this photo of Elkan and Elias.
They were 3-4 years old I think.
We bought them new swimming costumes.
They were at an age when they were
“learning how to smile for the camera”

I told Edmund, that we should swim with them.

So now every Saturday morning, Edmund and I will swim and also play with Samuel.

I only have one set of photos of Edmund playing with Samuel.
Most of the other times, we were in the water, playing.

We bring along hot milo and snacks, so everyone enjoys that after their swim.

We pack three thermal flasks full of hot milo and some snacks.
Yes, delicious and none too healthy ones.
(Shh.. don’t tell the Rise and Shine people).

It is really much easier to leave the children at the pool so Edmund and I can run errands or maybe have some time for ourselves.  It is tiring to have to get the whole family out for swimming (and for the washing up after that) and prepare drinks/snacks, and do it week after week.  It is also tiring monkeying around in the pool with children.  They are much fitter than us.

As a woman, I need (yes need) to bring so many things
when I shower at the pool…

But parenting requires us to make many deliberate choices.  It forces us to do things which we would probably not do otherwise.  Can we choose not to do them?  Of course.  But everything has its consequences.

I have written once before (NUS High DSA Selection Process), that our children open doors for us, into new worlds.  But we cannot take for granted that they will always allow us into their worlds.

It is just like the father and son in the song.  The father had no time for the little boy who needed and wanted him.  So the little boy learned to grow up without his father.  By the time the father found his son interesting as a man, his son no longer needed him, for he had learned his lesson well.

If we will not enter into their world, and get involved with them now, why should we expect to be invited into their world in future?

Samuel drew this today, using a stencil.
He asked me to pencil in “I love you Samuel”.
He deliberately drew the boy-figure to “hold hand” with the girl-figure.
After he drew it, he realised that he was of the same height as me.
So he quickly said it’s “mummy and daddy”.
But just as quickly, he changed his mind and said – “no lah, it’s me and mum lah”.
Samuel – you are going to grow up, to be as tall as I am.
At that time, I would really like you to hold my hand,
and I would love to hear you say “I love you mum”.

I am thankful for the song, and for the lesson it is teaching me.  I will not wait till my children grow up and interest me.  I will get involved in their lives now, because I love them, and I will cultivate an interest in whatever they are interested in.

So swimming it is, every week.  We enjoy it now.  Really, we do. Thank you, my children. Your world is lovely and enjoyable. Thank you for allowing us into it.