Give them roots and wings

It has been three days without Elias. This is not the first time he has been away from the family. He has gone for school and church camps previously, but this time is special not just because of its length (4 days and 3 nights!), but because he is on a mission for God.

I have always believed in helping my children discover their destinies. Every parent will know, that each child is unique.

But why is that so?

I believe it is because they are created to meet different needs in the world. Their nature makes them uniquely suited for solving specific problems of the world.

(These are pictures from last Christmas).
We enjoy shopping for the children every Christmas.
It is such a wonderful chance
to test our understanding of our children –
– of what they will like, and what they will need.
God gives us gifts too.
He gives us unique gifts – our talents and personalities.
Our purpose in life is to work out
the combination of these talents and personalities,
and find the best way to use them
to create value for the world.

I am excited for Elias, because he is now at Kluang, Malaysia, to serve the children there.

These pictures were sent to me
by a mother whose child was also there.
I have not heard from him for 3 days!
I tried not to think about him.
But when I saw these photos of him,
I started missing him…

He was so excited about the trip – planning games, preparing the props and conducting research on Kluang. He did his own packing, with a little help from me.

Elias has a favourite red bag,
which he uses for many of his trips.
(As if he is a frequent traveler…)

I truly feel a great sense of confidence in him – that he will be able to cope emotionally, and overcome any challenges he might encounter. That is the kind of boy he is – he is very reliable in external and new environments.

I am immensely proud of him.

We are all proud of him.
I was the only one who sent him off at the church,
but the whole family made it a point to see him off from home
early Thursday morning
(See – Elkan has just woken up…)

Everyone in the family,
and some of our church friends
wrote little notes of encouragement for Elias
– an envelop of letters for each day he is there.

However, this is actually a bad time for Elias to do anything else besides mug for his exams. He is taking his PSLE this year and he needs all the time he can get, to brush up on his work. I know this sounds ridiculous (I feel ridiculous typing it.), especially for those who do not live in Singapore and are not part of the public education system. It’s only 4 days! And yes, even if there are some pre-trip preparation – surely he can have some time to relax?

No, he cannot have time to relax. That’s the way it is here, in Singapore. The Primary School Leaving Examinations (PSLE) for 12-year-olds is very important here.

Yet for a 12-year old, I think that there are more important things to consider, than mugging for an examination. As I have previously written, the 12th year is the last year of my boy’s childhood. But more than that, he is entering into a new phase of his growth, and it is a time when he should be asking himself : “What do I want to do with my life? What is my contribution to the world?”

Education is to help us solve the problems we see in the world. PSLE is a tool to help my child reach his goals. However, it is effective only if it fits my child’s nature.

If it does not help my child because it does not suit his nature, then I will find other ways to help him reach his goals. I must, because that is the sacred task which has been entrusted to me. I must set my children free, to do what God has called them to do.

The children are not mine,
yet I am given the privilege of watching them grow.
They are so enjoyable.
Everything little thing that they do, amuses me.
I love watching them play,
I love their simplicity.
I love it that they get so absorbed
in having fun.
I love seeing them share
such moments together.

So I encouraged him to go for this trip. This is a journey of exploration for him – a chance for God to reveal to him His purpose for his life.

Parenting is such an exciting journey because children are really quite unpredictable. We think we know them, but actually we do not.

Elias is an enigma to me. He is emotionally very attached to the family and I, and has the greatest capacity for empathy and compassion among the children. Yet he is also the most independent of all my children. He is so close to my heart, yet I know that this is a child who will fly the furthest away from me. His need for love is so fierce and deep, yet once they are met, he runs and does not look back.

I spent a whole afternoon with him
the day before he left for his trip.
We had a wonderful time together.
He also spent much time
running far ahead of me…
That’s him, talking to a fisherman.

Many years ago, I read Elias a story about a lioness and her cub. I do not remember the story anymore, but I told Elias, that one day he would leave me, the same way the cub would leave his mother.

He started crying and said that he would never want to leave me.

I told him that he felt that way only because he was still small. When he is bigger, he would be ready, and he would want to leave me.

Well, it is happening. I did not expect it to happen so soon, and this way – so quietly, and naturally.

This never ceases to amaze me – the fact that I can feel so happy and so sad at the same time.