Give them roots and wings

I have a Grade 8 certificate in piano. But I stopped playing the piano after I got married, because I had left the piano back at my mother’s place. When we moved into our second home in late 2005, I transported the piano to our new home.

(Well recently, my dear, dear piano was moved for the last time. We disposed of it because it was out of tune and too old to be tuned. We were given a newer second hand piano, and had to make space for it. I was very sad, but after all, being now a matured adult, I had to be brave..)

I am still feeling very sad.
I am sorry.
If we have a bigger home, I will never throw you away.
God, may I have this piano back when I am in heaven?

(I took pictures of the distinctive features of my piano. The pedals had special memories for me because they made squeaky, whiny sounds, and there was a time in my life when I had the delusion that there was a puppy inside the piano. I asked my mother several times whether she had bought me a puppy and hidden it inside. I held on to that delusion for quite a while because I wanted a puppy very much. My mother is an amazing mom. She simply answered me patiently that there was NO puppy…)

My piano had some other really quirky physical traits.
There was a white patch at the side (the wavy lines)
which I would always try to clean off,
but which will always return…
Another thing which my brother and I used to do
was to pretend it was a kaleidoscope.
When the cover was opened and it touched the piano body,
a triangle would be formed.
We would put all sorts of things inside the triangle
and enjoy the new images formed.
I forgot to take a picture of that.

When we moved into our second home, Elkan and Elias were about 4 – 6 years old and since they were much easier to handle then, I decided to pick up the piano again. I actually devised a “practice schedule”.

Now that I look at it,
I must admit that I could have done more
earlier in the year before Samuel was born…
Hmm…

But I did not carry it through, because I became pregnant and gave birth to Samuel. So I went back to the season of being a busy mother to a baby-toddler again, followed by the season of being a mother to formal schooling children (for the older two). So I never found the time to pick it up again during those years.

But suddenly, Elias picked up flute-playing last year. He was quite good, and enjoyed it.

We made a huge investment this year.
We bought him a better flute.
It cost so much! And it is a huge responsibility on a child.
But we are very proud of him, and he sounds so good on it!
Yes… we are doting and indulgent parents…

This year, he took his first grade examination. And guess what, he needed a accompanist – a pianist.

I could employ an accompanist to play the piano for him, but that would cost money, and he would only be able to practice with the accompanist when he/she (usually it would be a ‘she’) is available. Since, like most people, we did not have an unlimited supply of money (yet),  I decided to try and play for him. After all, I was a Grade 8 pianist, and it would certainly be quite embarrassing to tell the flute tutor that I could not do it.

These are the pieces I used to play.
Impressive eh?
No need to be too impressed.
I have forgotten all of them.

So I started practicing, together with Elias. He would practice his pieces while I would practice mine. Then we would do a combined practice.

It was disastrous when we first started. We both played badly.

Sometimes I would think to myself : “Maybe I should get him an accompanist. What if I cause him to fail?” But on the other hand, I asked myself : “If I give up, what kind of lessons will I be teaching him? How can I explain why a Grade 8 pianist is unable to play such simple pieces? How can I ever tell him to be bold if I show myself to be such a coward?” Elias was not the only one who was watching me. I had two other children who KNEW I could play the piano, and to whom I would have to give an explanation. So I pressed on.

Eventually we mastered our pieces, and on 8 March 2013, I played for him for his examinations. It was such a delight and privilege for me to be with him through the examinations. Parents are not allowed at the studio, but I was allowed because I was the accompanist. He was nervous, and I was more nervous than him, but I could not let my emotions show. I had to smile and encourage him.

I had to accompany him for two pieces. I was so nervous, my fingers started trembling after I played the first piece. It was a wonder that I could finish playing the second piece.

Going through the flute exams with Elias
reminded me of my own grade exams many years back.
Mine were at the Yamaha studios.
Elias’ was at our flute tutor’s friend’s studio.
No, this picture was not taken by the examiner.
It was taken by my husband,
when we went there a week before to practice.

I did not play as well as he did, but at least I did not make any serious blunders (I missed a few notes because my hands were shaking too badly). He got a distinction and we were all very proud of him.

On 8 July 2013, Elias and I performed at a recital the flute tutor organised for all her students.

In the first half of the performance,
all the students played their solo pieces.
In the second half, we had duets and flute ensembles.
The teachers and a special guest joined in.

It was such an honour and joy for us to perform together in front of an audience. Once again, Elias played better than me. In fact, he had improved much in his playing, whilst I still suffered from stage-fright. Elias is indeed a born performer.

The beautiful pianist and the handsome flautist!

We finished playing the piece, because Elias’ playing was firm and on target, so he led us both to the end.

These were the performers.
I was so proud of them!
Although they are not professionals,
many of them played very well.
Most of all, they were very brave to stand up there,
to simply do their best.

So there it is. I stopped playing the piano because of my children, but I started playing it again because of my children too.

I want to continue to play for Elias for as long as I am able to. It is a privilege being a mother. It is a greater privilege being a mother who has the opportunity to walk TOGETHER with her children in their journeys, whether it is to master reading and spelling, or in learning music.

As we raise our children, our children raise us too. Thank you Elias, for giving me the motivation to pick up the piano again. Your love for music inspires me.

And here’s a recording of our performance! I apologise for the quality of the video. The job was thrust upon my mum at the last minute (LOL) because my husband was still parking the car when the performance started. (Sheesh!)