Give them roots and wings

This month we celebrated our Wedding Anniversary.

It sounds strange but we are finally really happy now as a couple. My husband said – this is the first anniversary when we did not quarrel. Actually I don’t remember that, but he is probably right.

We have always enjoyed each other.
We had many good moments, but we had our bad moments too.

Marriage is not easy. I remember that within 6 months of our marriage I wished I could walk out. I remember many times in the first year when I walked out of the house, not wanting to return again. It happened many times over the next few years. I even thought of walking out on the children. I would cry and imagine myself telling the children :”I am sorry, I guess mummy doesn’t love you enough…”

Each time I decided to walk back, because I decided that I was being ridiculous. I decided that I did love my children more than I love myself and my rights (or perceived rights). I decided that I will trust in God, and die to myself, and my rights (or perceived rights).

Over the years I died many times inside. But the strange thing was, each time I died, I came alive in a better form. There were always major breakthroughs in my personal life, and our marriage each time I decided to put my husband first, before myself. It became such that whenever we have a major argument, or he did/said things that hurt me, part of me would rejoice even as I wept, because I knew that something marvelous was going to happen after I got over it. Without fail, it would happen.

Today I read something which inspired me.

How true. It is tough being sharpened by an iron. I suppose that was what Edmund and I went through over the years. I am no saint. I am sure I have caused him to want to die (or kill me) many times, and he has indeed died many times too, though I suppose as a man, he is not as dramatic as I am about it…

Differences need not divide. It can unite, but we need to be able to put the other person above ourselves.

It is good to be married. It challenges a person’s comfort more than anything else, and it therefore matures the person. It is the same for parenthood. But of course some people never learnt to put the comfort and interests of their spouse or child(ren) above their own, so they never grew to the level of maturity which they could have.

Will we never quarrel again? I don’t know. But I know that we will continue to sharpen each other.

I am glad I chose to walk back each time. Why did I walk back? I used to think that it was because I was strong enough. Now I know, that it was simply God’s grace.