Give them roots and wings

I now have two boys in Secondary school. Wow. It is unbelievable.

Where did the primary school years go? I suppose they just went day by day, from one spelling to another, one Learning Journey to another, one examination to another, and one holiday to another.

I remember Elkan’s primary one year very well. He was my firstborn and we were very excited at his Orientation, on his first day of school, at his first recess, his first spelling, his first show and tell, etc.

That’s him at Assembly, in the library and at the canteen with his buddy.
My friend called me one of those “stalking” parents.
Yes, I admit to that name.
I shamelessly roamed the school, trying to take pictures.
And I even kept his P1 Orientation “Certificate”!

We were interested in every one of his classmates and it was such a thrill for us that he had a form teacher who blogged about the class. We haunted the class blog. (Here’s a nice blog post about learning about ordinal numbers. Looking at the class blog now brings back so many memories and emotions. The teacher did a marvellous job, and although some of the photos have gone missing after all these years, there are still many in there).

Another of Elias’ and Elkan’s teacher kept a blog too. (They both had the same teacher in different years). Here’s a blogpost of a learning journey to the bull frog farm, which has a video of Elias doing a jump, and here’s a blog post with a video of Elkan in the Sports Enrichment Program

We celebrated Elkan’s birthday in school when he was in P1.
And that’s Elias at P1! Oh how adorable he was!

For both Elias and Elkan, I tried to go for every one of their Learning Journeys, and be part of their school events.

One of those LJ I went for.. and Racial Harmony Day!

We had our ups and downs in the primary school system. We had good teachers, and we had not so good ones. We had proud moments, and our moments of despair.

There was a teacher whom Elias loved.
During the difficult times in school,
it was the memory of these teachers which encouraged him.

Today I attended the Welcome Ceremony cum Campfire at Elias’ Secondary School. I spotted him as he walked into the campfire ground with his new classmates. Instead of smiling and waving enthusiastically when he saw me, he gave me a brief smile and a nod.

I deliberated whether to bring my SLR.
I decided against it because it was too obvious.
So I had to make do with lousy photo quality.

After the event, I texted him to wait for me outside the school gate, and when I saw him, I simply smiled at him, said “Hi Elias” and walked, matter-of-factly, into the train station together with him.

My boys’ first days at Secondary school are certainly different from their first days at Primary school. I am excited and anxious, but I am no long as emotionally invested as I was for their primary school years.

Many years back, when Elkan and Elias were still pre-schoolers, I asked my mum how she could bear with us (my brother and I) growing up, and not needing her anymore. I asked her that because I remembered her saying that she used to miss our kiddish voices, and our kiddish little hands which would hold hers. She said yes, she could bear it, because we grew up slowly… Being then a mother of two cute little boys, I could not imagine ever being able to bear with that separation at all, but I kept her words in my heart.

Now that my boys have reached this new phase of their lives, I understand what she meant. Yes, on the one hand, I miss their littleness and cuteness, yet on the other hand, I don’t miss it because firstly, they have already lost a large part of it, and secondly, they have grown up, and those should no longer be part of their characteristics! It is certainly not cool being a cute little teenager.

Look at him!
He is no longer small, little and cute.
But my heart still goes soft and warm whenever I see him.

Yet there is an emptiness in my heart tonight, as I reflect upon my emotions.

I think that I miss the fact that I no longer need to hover over them, worrying about whether they are hungry or cold, or whether they have friends.

Of course, the reality is that there will be times when they will be hungry, cold and friendless. There will be times when they fail and are disappointed with God, life and themselves. However, these would be burdens which I should no longer bear for them. They would have to bear them themselves, because that is what they need to do to become mature and strong.

For a parent who has been the child’s main source of comfort and cheer for so long, it is hard to let go.

But like my mum said, it happened slowly. It has been happening over the years, but has just become a little bit more obvious today, that’s all.

The Secondary school years will pass by just as quickly, day by day, from one examination to the next, and one holiday to the next.

I will treasure every day, and try to hold on to the memory of their faces and voices today. But at the end of our lives, even the memories will fade. But what remains will be the relationship that those shared moments created.

Thank you, my dear boys, for the primary school years. And we made it! 😉